Birthday Musings Day 3: I do what I want!

Birthdays have always been weird for me in my mental mind.  I am usually super happy a couple of weeks before, but then as it draws nearer I get anxious, sad, and super reflective.  It also doesn’t help that a lot of my birthdays have ended up lonely days, broken plans, and cry fests.  I made a conscious decision a couple years ago to make sure that date is a celebration, because I traversed a lot of pain, struggle, and hardship to even have the chance to have a birthday.  I almost wasn’t here.  But guess what?  I AM here. I have to hold on to that fact like a prized possession.  My 38th birthday is May 7th, so everyday up until that date I will muse about how I’ve changed, things I’ve learned, and any other thing that pops into my head. Because, yeah you guessed it, I do what I want.


#SelfieCare I do what I want

Just a little #SelfieCare and a smidge of vanity…

Recently my mother said to me, “Stop posting so many selfies.”  After the subsequent record scratch and inevitable side-eye, I responded, “Nope.  You can always unfollow me. ”  I then segued the conversation somewhere else and continued on with my day.  Then as always, I thought later about the exchange and lamented not saying all the things I wanted to say in response to her.  Here are the things I wanted to say:

  • I finally like how I look.  I like the inside of me and it is starting to reflect on the outside.  My happy is pretty evident to most people I encounter, I am not just met with a standard, “you look good/pretty/nice dress.”  People tell me there is a glow about me.   That means infinitely more.  I want to capture these days where I am feeling awesome, what’s wrong with a little documentation?
  • I am not in the business of apologizing for doing harmless things that give me a smile and allow me to interact with people.  Nothing wrong with a little #SelfieCare.
  • Also, I wish I would have said, “I DO WHAT I WANT.”  Basically that’s what this all boils down to.  I also don’t like to get too sassy with my mama, I do value my life, just saying.


Basically the moral of the story can be wrapped up in the words of the illustrious Digital Underground:

Love Alise Naturally AliseLove, Alise signature Alise Leslie mental health illness


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  • Razlet

    Yes! Lately I am making more of a conscious effort to care more about how I look and carry myself (because it feels good to look good), while simultaneously NOT caring about what anyone else thinks about how I look!! But hey, it’s always nice to get a compliment. 😉 Keep on taking those selfies!

    <3 Rachel

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