Birthday Musings Day 3: I do what I want!
Birthdays have always been weird for me in my mental mind. I am usually super happy a couple of weeks before, but then as it draws nearer I get anxious, sad, and super reflective. It also doesn’t help that a lot of my birthdays have ended up lonely days, broken plans, and cry fests. I made a conscious decision a couple years ago to make sure that date is a celebration, because I traversed a lot of pain, struggle, and hardship to even have the chance to have a birthday. I almost wasn’t here. But guess what? I AM here. I have to hold on to that fact like a prized possession. My 38th birthday is May 7th, so everyday up until that date I will muse about how I’ve changed, things I’ve learned, and any other thing that pops into my head. Because, yeah you guessed it, I do what I want.
Recently my mother said to me, “Stop posting so many selfies.” After the subsequent record scratch and inevitable side-eye, I responded, “Nope. You can always unfollow me. ” I then segued the conversation somewhere else and continued on with my day. Then as always, I thought later about the exchange and lamented not saying all the things I wanted to say in response to her. Here are the things I wanted to say:
- I finally like how I look. I like the inside of me and it is starting to reflect on the outside. My happy is pretty evident to most people I encounter, I am not just met with a standard, “you look good/pretty/nice dress.” People tell me there is a glow about me. That means infinitely more. I want to capture these days where I am feeling awesome, what’s wrong with a little documentation?
- I am not in the business of apologizing for doing harmless things that give me a smile and allow me to interact with people. Nothing wrong with a little #SelfieCare.
- Also, I wish I would have said, “I DO WHAT I WANT.” Basically that’s what this all boils down to. I also don’t like to get too sassy with my mama, I do value my life, just saying.
Basically the moral of the story can be wrapped up in the words of the illustrious Digital Underground: