Birthday Musings Day 2: it depends (poem)

Birthdays have always been weird for me in my mental mind.  I am usually super happy a couple of weeks before, but then as it draws nearer I get anxious, sad, and super reflective.  It also doesn’t help that a lot of my birthdays have ended up lonely days, broken plans, and cry fests.  I made a conscious decision a couple years ago to make sure that date is a celebration, because I traversed a lot of pain, struggle, and hardship to even have the chance to have a birthday.  I almost wasn’t here.  But guess what?  I AM here. I have to hold on to that fact like a prized possession.  My 38th birthday is May 7th, so everyday up until that date I will muse about how I’ve changed, things I’ve learned, and any other thing that pops into my head. Because, yeah you guessed it, I do what I want.

This is a  poem from when I was musing about finally breaking down and asking for help.  If only folks could understand that sometimes it’s hard because your brain is  doing this mess down below…

It-Depends

on who can you depend?
i guess it depends
but really,
being dependent sucks
i need yous always seems to get twisted
and patience ain’t nothing but waiting.
anyway,
pending funds still equals broke

but independent is sometimes lonely
and you have only yourself to blame
for disappointment.
but then again,
it all depends.

Love Alise Naturally AliseLove, Alise signature Alise Leslie mental health illness

 

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