Birthday Musings Day 1: Keep ya head up…
Birthdays have always been weird for me in my mental mind. I am usually super happy a couple of weeks before, but then as it draws nearer I get anxious, sad, and super reflective. It also doesn’t help that a lot of my birthdays have ended up lonely days, broken plans, and cry fests. I made a conscious decision a couple years ago to make sure that date is a celebration, because I traversed a lot of pain, struggle, and hardship to even have the chance to have a birthday. I almost wasn’t here. But guess what? I AM here. I have to hold on to that fact like a prized possession. My 38th birthday is May 7th, so everyday up until that date I will muse about how I’ve changed, things I’ve learned, and any other thing that pops into my head. Because, yeah you guessed it, I do what I want.
I’ve noticed that I have started to walk different. Head high, always a strut. My gait is not a game. When I made this little change, I started to feel different. Well actually I don’t know what came first, chicken or the egg. Mmmmm, wings. Oops, got distracted. Oh yeah, I don’t know if when I started feeling better the walk changed or if the walk changed my general disposition. Whatever it was, I feel greater. Royal. Powerful. Everyday I search out the joy in every situation. I literally walk into work shouting, “GREETINGS, SALUTATIONS!” every single day even when I’m feeling not my best. I figure, why not set the mood for a good day? If not for me, someone else, it will all conspire to brighten my day. And that, I ain’t mad about.
Happy birthday to me… almost.