Wellness Wednesdays #4: Expanding Your Light
Today is the fourth installment of a weekly series where I will ask a question related to the themes on my blog (mental health, self-care, community, poetry, etc.). I am trying to get people talking, build a sense of community and increase awareness about mental health, a topic I am intensely committed to. I want to see what’s going on in people’s heads, hear their stories, and gain some perspective and solutions. This week’s question is:
What part of your life feels really vibrant right now? How can you expand it?
I want to preface my answer with a some vulnerable backstory. When I sent out the call for people to answer this question back in October, I only got a response from one person. A couple people backed out and some never returned messages, but of course I instantly processed it as a personal affront. Dramatic, I know. (Later I will tell why the person who did respond means so much, we’ll get there.) I felt so defeated over this, albeit small, setback. It gut punched me in a way I wasn’t exactly prepared to handle. I had finally gotten the courage to get back to writing and to be vulnerable. I felt like I was doing something special and important. I was on a high, but it was a fragile one, and so just that easily I was knocked off my path. Not only did I stop my series, but I stopped publishing altogether. Ya know, because that makes all the sense in the world. I felt like a hypocrite writing about light and positivity when I was letting myself go into darkness over something so miniscule in the scheme of things. So much so, my dear friend sent me a submission that I should have been reading all along.
My friend Tiha is the one who sent the lone answer to my question. Me and the homie became friends a million years ago and actually wrote a blog together for a number of years (It actually still exists: The Latte Mug , we were actually pretty dope) which was my first foray into blogging. Any-hoo, after an extended period of little-to-no contact, she agreed to do this for me. It means the world, here is her answer:
The best part of following my dreams was leaving behind all of the things that no longer served me. The worst part of following my dreams was moving forward into the unknown and ambiguity of something new. I left the place that I lived, packed up my car, and moved across the country to live the life I’ve always wanted. 10 years it took me to finally work up the courage to just do it, and like the swoosh, I swished my ass right off the cliff of my current life.
You see, what was currently my life, my circle, had gotten so uncomfortable, that I started to believe I’d transcended down into Inferno, and was waiting for my sentence for some crime I didn’t know I had committed, but I knew I was suffering for. Well the crime turned out to be not living my life to the fullest. Not LIVING. Existing, yes, surviving, for sure, but living? No, I wasn’t living, and for that, I was to be made uncomfortable until I made a change.
You see, the universe always give you a choice. You can either choose to ignore the universe when it gives you a nudge. And wait for the universe to smack you clear in the face, or you can take the nudge, listen to the universe, and act accordingly. I chose the smack in the face. Yup, I accept that blow to the nose. My face was spited. Then I picked myself up, and moved with the flow of my future. And it is, indeed, a flow, not a freefall. Remember that swoosh and cliff I swished off of? Well, I didn’t fall, I was carried, and am still being carried, onto my next life adventure. I am LIVING my life, taking time to smell the roses, taking time to get my mind right, taking the time to enjoy ME. I’ve hoisted my faith sail, and am allowing the winds of change to blow me to my next destination. Ambiguous, scary, blissful, and all!
Dat girl good!
The floor is now open for you to answer the question in the comments below!