I had a eureka moment. More like a month of a series of epiphanies, discoveries, and realizations. A lightbulb literally materialized next to my unicorn horn. Ok, maybe not, but imagination is fun. Don’t judge me. Let me preface this by stating that I am usually in a state of perpetual indecision, disarray, and doubt. In fact, this current state of peace tempered with excitement is foreign and a bit scary. See, I “thrive” off of chaos. As a person who lives with bipolar disorder, it seems as if my mind will latch on to mania like that toxic friend you know is bad, but they are who you know best. Yes, I am aware I am rambling, there is a point coming. Promise.
I feel like I am finally figuring out my life, finally having a list of goals that are purely about self. You know, that good kind of selfish. I don’t know what clicked. Maybe being tired of just floating in and out of each day without a clue as to where or who I wanted to be. Maybe seeing my best friends making goals and actually achieving them. I must say I give the best advice in the world, but I never quite listen to it myself. I am constantly supporting and cheering on my friends and helping pull them out of doubt, but why not Alise? Shit, I’m smart, I’m creative, and my makeup is almost always flawless. Why can’t I do it?
So after all that babbling what was my eureka moment? Well, I am glad you asked. I figured out what my new career path will be, researched how to make it happen (gahhhhh, school), made a totally feasible and minimally stressful plan to get there. I also am making lifestyle changes that were not pressured. I just decided to do it for myself. I made a decision that didn’t make me want to run away with the circus that my mind can be. Progress on my own terms. Who’d of thunk it? Certainly not me. But here we are.