you are not alone.
I’ve had a series of revelations, epiphanies, light bulb moments, eurekas, and “oh shit, i’ve never thought about it that way befores” over the past week. Also, redundancy is fun. I digress. All of these moments came from relatively strange and random conversations with friends. That describes every conversation I have, but that’s another post. The realization I stumbled upon was not a result of a single conversation but from looking back at them as a whole. I swear I am going to get to a point eventually. Bear with me. I discovered that every little thing I thought was strange, “crazy,” random, bizarre, or exclusively my pathology was shared with one or all of the people I am closest to. This was a huge moment. MASSIVE MOMENT. (alliteration for the win.)
Do you know how many moments I beat myself up for thinking I was the only person in the world going through something? When you are constantly inundated with depression, mania, and/or anxiety you can start to actually believe you are some sort of unicorn, and not in the good way of unicrondom. (I make up words, fight me.) I had a conversation with a friend regarding some childhood trauma and how it is currently manifesting in her daily life and interactions. It blew my mind because I had a very similar trauma and the EXACT same behaviors in reaction to it. Little things I thought were off-the-wall in my actions were in no way unique to me. That is a powerful moment.
There is a huge amount of clarity and perspective shifting that is achieved through community. Part of why I even created this blog was for people to see that a “normal,” likeable, cool person was experiencing some pretty heavy stuff. I thought of all the times I never went to get help or didn’t trust to talk to friends because I thought I was some sort of anomaly or too weird. Fear of judgment or isolation is REAL. That moment when you find you are not as odd as you thought you were is a step closer to accepting and treating your mental illness.
So let me remind you: you are not alone.